Fat Thighs & Collard Greens

Hello you,

                Sorry, it's been a while. Last week was fairly busy and our weekend was spent out of town. It did give me time to think about what I was going to write next, and the idea came to me while driving south into Virginia. I decided to give you my recipe for "healthier collard green", but first I'd like to talk about one of my favorite people ever. My grandmother,  Becky Jean Stewart (nee Covington).
                 There have been lots of quality people in my life from the get go, but few have come close to Merce (that was her grandmother nickname). She was the definition of a lady. She set people at ease with great warmth. Merce was very well groomed. When I was younger, I went to the salon with her so she could have her hair done. With her hair dripping after being shampooed, she'd look at me and say things like "Now don't tell anyone what I look like with wet hair". She was generous to her family, friends and to others in need. She was very sweet, but also a master manipulator with the most a effective weapon: a bright, white smile. When I refused to see eye to eye with her or didn't want to do something, she'd stand as close to my face as possible and say "Awwwww, Jacob. AAAAWWWWW, Jacob!" until I relented. And more importantly, she was a hoot.
                 I am not sure when senility started in on our sweet grandmother, but I remember noticing that she was saying things that the old Merce wouldn't have said. Many times, her odd comments surrounded overweight people. I remember getting into her car at the grocery store, as a very robust man passed the hood of her Lincoln. "I just don't see how people like that leave the house like that", with the ease one would use to say to another, "I don't see how you're wearing shorts in this cold".
It bothered me a little bit, because this was during my high school days and I was plump myself.
                I believe it was a fall afternoon when my older sister Emily came home from college for the weekend. We drove over to Merce's house that Saturday afternoon. After visiting for a while, Merce suggested we go get a snack to together, so we all got into my Montero and drove to Sonic. Once we arrived, we ordered our food & drinks and began chatting. At some point, Merce took her American Express card out of her handbag and handed it to me. Emily was in the back seat and saw my expired driver's license on the floor of the car.

My grandparents - Becky Jean & Hardy Malcolm Stewart

                "They still put your weight on driver's licenses in New Mexico?" asked Emily. "Yeah, they do", I replied. She laughed, saying "How funny!". But I had to be honest, "Yeah, except thats about 30 pounds off". With the dreaded subject at hand, Merce had to investigate. She took the license out of Emily's hand and examined it. "You weight 193 pounds?", she asked me with a fixed stare. "Yes mam", I replied.  "Oh" was all she said. The moment passed and we continued to talk. Just before the order arrived Merce said "Where's my credit card?". She looked around and saw the card on resting on my thigh. "Oh, there's my card. On that fat thigh of your's".
                  Emily busted out laughing and I even laughed through my embarrassment, but I was still shocked. "Merce!" I said loudly. Without giggling or really even crack a face, she replied " Well, if you weight 193 pounds, that's a fat thigh". And what was my recourse? Nothing! A, she as partially correct, and  B, you aren't supposed to scold your grandmother. Well played, Merce.

ONTO THE RECIPE!

"Healthier Collard Greens"

A Jake Stewart Original

              Collard greens are hands down one of my favorite dishes ever. However, the traditional recipes contain a lot more fat than necessary, so here's a lighter & very flavorful alternative.


Ingredients

• 16 oz or 1 pound of fresh collard greens
• 4 Strips of Turkey Bacon
• Three Tbsp's of Olive Oil
• One large yellow onion
• 5-6 cloves of garlic
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 small can of diced green chile
• 2 1/2 good quality chicken stock (Kitchen Basics)
• 1 Tbsp No Salt Alternative
• 1 Tsp of fresh cracked black pepper

1 - Dice Turkey bacon. Place large pot on stove top, turn heat to medium, then add the bacon. Allow to brown, maybe 4-6 minutes. 

2 - Dice the onion, finely. Add to pot and stir frequently. Add more olive oil if necessary. Allow to sauté about 8-10 minutes or translucent. 

3 - Remove husks from garlic. Using a garlic press, crush all the cloves of garlic. Add to onions & bacon.

4 - Open the tomatoes & green chile, and add to pot with liquid from each jar. Stir and allow to sit for a few minutes. 

5 - Unless already chopped, go ahead and chop collard greens into 1" strips. Add the greens to pot and cover. Allow to sweat for about 5 minutes. Stir & mix all ingredients once the greens have wilted. 

6 - Add chicken stock, and stir again. Cover and allow to stew for about 20-30 minutes. 

7 - To check whether the greens are ready, pull one of the thick, fibrous center stalk pieces. If it's easy to bite through, just past al dente, its ready!

Everyone needs to be able to make a good batch of greens! If you'd like to be able to do so without feeling like a fat kid, then look no further!

PS : If you want to make this meal extra amazing, add a tbsp of reserved chicken fat or butter after you add the chicken stock. I know this is supposed to be the "better for you" version, but come on, sometimes you just have to make little bit more rich.

Shells, Shells, everywhere. And all are stuffed with meat.

Hello, you. 

            Yesterday was Monday. I started the day off by riding with Don to the Mazda dealership where my old car was being repaired. With the suspension fixed, she rode like a dream. I love my car, but it is on the old side. Living in a big, wealthy city like D.C.  reminds me of that fact as luxury cars roll past. But I buoy myself up,  saying (so I says to myself, I says) "You know what? If this were 1989, my car would be so rad, so take that". I highly endorse maintaing a false sense of superiority. 
          

            Later on in the day, after working on school work and taking an unplanned nap, I decided to go for a drive before starting dinner. It was a pleasantly grey D.C. afternoon, with a cool breeze. Perfect day for driving with the windows down and the sunroof open. It was bliss. I sat there at a stop light on Rhode Island Avenue, counting my blessings. My wonderful partner, our sweet dogs, my friends and family, Apple products, and that face wash I like so much. Out of nowhere, in the opposite lane, a dump tuck screeched to an emergency stop. 
               It startled me. It startled the driver, too. After a few seconds, the driver and I made eye contact. He made the universal gesture for "What's Up", and I nodded back. Just then, he twisted his face up for a huge sneeze, and then expelled a mouthful of sunflower seeds. Again, we are both startled. I felt rather odd just sitting there as he composed himself. It was kind of gross, and I felt like I had walked in on him using the bathroom (which makes me feel very, very, very awkward). After a moment, he laughed. And the next thing he said was the best part of all. 

"Ha, that was gross."

              You're right sir, that was gross. But you acknowledged it, to a stranger, and then he upped the ante by speaking to that stranger. It was weird interaction, but the memory made me laugh several times  later in the evening. Thank you. And then I went home and got down in the kitchen. 

               And now for a terrible segue, I like the idea of stuffed dishes. Chicken, fish, pasta or desserts, I am in favor of sticking more ingredients inside of one thing to make it that much better. So last night, I decided to make Stuffed Shells with chicken, shrimp and a lot of other goodness. It is a little time consuming, but totally worth it.

Stuffed Shells

A Jake Stewart Original

Ingredients

• 16 oz box of large pasta shells
• 4, 3-4 oz thin cut breasts
• 1/2 pound of large shrimp 
• 4 oz of goat cheese
• 1/3 cup of nonfat greek yogurt
• 4 Tbsp of McCormick Italian Blend Seasoning
• 1 Tbsp of Mrs Dash Table Blend Seasoning
• 1/2 Tbsp of fresh cracked black pepper
• 2, 1/4 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 1/2 large red onion
• 1 baby portobello mushroom
• 1 red bell pepper
• 4 cloves of garlic
• 2 1/2 cups of good quality spaghetti sauce
• 1/3 cup of grated parmesan
• 1 cup grated low fat mozzarella 

Preheat oven to 450˚ 

1 - Mix Italian seasoning, Mrs Dash, black pepper and olive oil in a small bowl, this the meat marinade. Place chicken in large ziplock bag and coat with half of the marinade. After shrimp have been cleaned, place them in another large ziplock bag and coat with the left over marinade. Marinate the shrimp & chicken in fridge for 1 hour or longer. 

2 - Using outdoor grill or skillet, cook chicken on a medium heat for about 7-8 minutes. Set aside to cool. 

3 - Using a large frying pan, heat two tablespoons of olive oil. Dice red onion and sauté for 5 minutes. Next, dice bell pepper and mushroom. Add to the onions, continue to sauté for another 5 minutes. Using a garlic press, crush all 4 cloves of garlic. Add garlic to the pan, sauté for about 30 seconds. Then remove pan for heat to prepare for the next step.

4 - Remove shrimp from bag and dice into small pieces. Place pan back on medium heat, and add shrimp to the onion/pepper mixture. Sauté for about 4-5 minutes, until shrimp is opaque. Lower heat, and add the goat cheese and greek yogurt to the pan, gently combine. Chop chicken and add the chicken to the pan. Mix well. 

5 - Add four cups of water to pot and bring to a boil. Add 1 teaspoon of sea salt. Once boiling, add shells to pot. Boil for 7-8 minutes or al dente. Drain in colander. Allow to cool. 

6 - Once cooled, begin stuffing shells. Place the cooked shell in the palm of your hand, and open the shell. Place about 2 Tbsp's of the stuffing mixture inside. 

7 - Spray Pam Non-Stick cooking spray in a 7 X 11 pyrex pan. Line shells up in the baking dish. Once full, mix spaghetti sauce and parmesan cheese in a separate bowl. Ladle out about two tbsp's onto each shell. Then cover with the mozzarella. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until the cheese it browned. And then enjoy!

Bonne Chance, Mofo.